I Am SHE Who Chooses

Content-Trigger Warning!

I originally wrote this poem on December 12th 2017. I didn’t share it publicly until June of this year (2020). This is my story. I can now say I’m no longer looking for a peaceful ending. I’m healing. I’m angry. I’m finding justice.

“Anger is a forward-looking emotion, rooted in the idea that there should be change. Resentment, on the other hand, is locked in the past and usually generates no meaningful difference in the situation.”

― Soraya Chemaly, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger

I am she who chooses 

My emotions wage war

The artillery is ready on either side 

 Gritted faces and brave hearts charge 

determined to decide where the bragging rights lie

I am she who chooses 

Regret launches its first missile

I should have stayed home 

A deafening blow felt to the soul

Swords clank and guns fire 

there must have been some desire 

Take Cover! Man your Shields! 

shouldn't he know self control

I am she who chooses 

Hand to hand

Blow for blow 

A fist swings ....remember you did say no 

One see's a dagger 

The tussle begins 

You should have fought harder 

Enemy lines drawn from the debris 

There's a tick ...tick ....tick... followed by the inevitable boom

You deserved what happened to you 

I am she who chooses 

A second wind 

Dust clears

The ones remaining regroup and commence again 

He was my friend 

A battle cry , long and fierce 

You're one of the lucky ones ...at least it only happened once 

A mixture of sweat and blood clings on every brow

Unending this war rages on 

I am she who chooses 

Let me break the 4th wall and talk 

I debated on how to resolve 

dissonance to consonance 

this story feels undone 

the fight to decide which is right 

So I must stay true and tell you a peaceful ending has yet to be found...and so it has yet to be written